...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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