Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
