I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
id be glad to
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
