I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
