you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
as a side note pls kill me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
