Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
