last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
