my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
