so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
