I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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