I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
