Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
