I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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