Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
