She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
