just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
