Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
