i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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