Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
