just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
