You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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