I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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