I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
