I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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