Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
