you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
