hotel room ftw
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
