I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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