I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
