I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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