My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
