it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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