I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
