So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You ate ashes out of my bong
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
