Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
