My nipple is on Facebook.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
