the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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