there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
