I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
