Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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