I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
