I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
