If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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