Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We left an ass print on the piano.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
