we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
