I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
