Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My ass is underappreciated
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
