im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
