I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
