in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
