yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
