glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
