I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
